My Hey Jane abortion experience: The married mom who only planned on having 2 kids

Sam is a Director of Project Management, mom to two human babies and two fur babies, and an avid adventurer, cook, and reader (who occasionally indulges in Love Island). Although she and her husband, a software engineer, are often exhausted from the lovable chaos of family and career, they’re happy with the lives they lead. A third child just isn’t in their plans. 

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Here’s the story of how Sam chose to have an abortion with Hey Jane.

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We built our lives around having two kids

My two young kids are my life right now. When my husband and I started planning our family, we always planned on having two kids (to us, it feels like replacing ourselves as we leave this world, no more and no less). And now that we have two kids, we know that two is enough. There’s a satirical bedtime book for adults my husband and I love called Go the F*** to Sleep, and a second book called F***, Now There Are Two of You, which explains how two kids is a million more kids than one kid, and that’s our life in a nutshell. 

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Since we know we only want two kids, we bought our dream home with two bedrooms for the girls and one for us. We planned college funds for two kids. We built our lives around having two kids.

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After having our second daughter, my periods had finally gotten extremely regular again after breastfeeding. I know the signs of ovulation in my body, and I wasn’t tracking fertility any other way. My husband and I had sex after I thought I was done ovulating. Ironically, this was one week before he was scheduled to have a vasectomy. Since we knew I was close to ovulating, I decided to take a Plan B, just to be safe. I took the medication as instructed in the recommended time frame and thought everything was fine. It wasn’t.

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To know help was on the way was a weight off my shoulders

I started feeling off in my body. I was nauseous and my period was a week later than I expected it to be. My husband suggested I take a pregnancy test and, at first, I resisted. I didn’t even want to consider the possibility that I could be pregnant. But he pushed it, and I took the test. We got the news right before the Fourth of July, and the news was devastating.

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My husband and I were panicking, even though this wasn’t a decision we were waffling over. My heart goes out to people who aren’t sure what they want to do in this situation—we knew another child was not right for our family. We are so tired, and we just wouldn’t have enough to give. We started searching, and first we landed on Planned Parenthood. They had an option to schedule a telehealth appointment. I love and respect Planned Parenthood, but I couldn’t wait three weeks for an appointment—I needed to get things moving. I filled out a form with Hey Jane to discuss my medical history, and on the same day, my medication was on the way. I can’t say enough what a huge relief that was. To know help was on the way was a weight off my shoulders.

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We had been planning to throw a big party for the Fourth of July, so I knew my abortion needed to wait until after that. On Hey Jane, there’s a forum that allows you to see other people’s stories and learn about their experiences—how they reacted to the medication, how they prepared, things like that. Of course everybody is different, but it was nice to have some idea of what to expect. People had great advice to just take care of yourself, focus on you, get your favorite snacks, and line up your favorite TV show, and I really loved that (resting is not something I get to do with two young kids).

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"I couldn’t wait three weeks for an appointment–I needed to get things moving." -Sam, Hey Jane patient

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Hey Jane felt like a sister looking out for me 

When it was time to take the medication, my husband took the girls to a birthday party, and I got set up in our bedroom (it was nice to have the house to myself). I lined up some Love Island, snacks, and a book I wanted to read and settled in to rest. 

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A long time ago, I worked retail. I worked with a girl who got pregnant and had to have an abortion. She had a medication abortion, and she shared that her experience with physical discomfort was just awful. So as I prepared to take my medication, I had that in mind. I thought, here we go, this is going to be a doozy, but it wasn’t. By the time my kids and husband came home after the birthday party, I was up and ready to hang out with them downstairs. I needed rest, but this didn’t take me out.

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I felt so supported by Hey Jane throughout the whole process. They sent me messages with encouraging words, and sometimes I would just start bawling when I saw them. They shared things like one in four women have abortions, which isn’t something that’s spoken about often, and it was so nice to hear. Hey Jane felt like a sister looking out for me and checking in to make sure I was doing okay.

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"I thought, here we go, this is going to be a doozy, but it wasn’t…I needed rest, but this didn’t take me out." -Sam, Hey Jane patient

It was, and still is, an emotional experience

My husband and I took a moment to say our goodbyes. It was really special. I’m so glad we did, but it was a hard, hard thing to do. Thinking about who the baby might have been has been the hardest part of this experience, and it’s been a big topic of conversation with my therapist. It was, and still is, an emotional experience.

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I feel so strongly that women should talk about this, but it’s hard because there’s so much stigma against it. There are members of my own family who I would never speak to about my abortion, because I know they would be heartbroken—my mother loves our girls so much, and she wants a million grandkids if she can have them. 

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"I feel so strongly that women should talk about this, but it’s hard because there’s so much stigma against it." -Sam, Hey Jane patient

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If we talked about abortion more, it wouldn’t be so hard

It’s a hard thing to talk about for me, even right now, but it doesn’t have to be. I think if we talked about abortion more, it wouldn’t be so hard. To be honest, I was so shocked that I had to have an abortion. I thought, I’m married with kids! This doesn’t happen when you’re married with kids, it happens when you’re 16! I had this idea in my head of people who have abortions and the kinds of situations that would prompt a person to need an abortion, and I didn’t expect it to happen to me in my life. And now I know, it can happen to anyone. And it’s so important we talk about it, because no one is alone.

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I’m so appreciative that there’s something like Hey Jane out there for people who need it. I’ve told my sister and so many people I know about it. Maybe it’s a weird recommendation—like, hey, need an abortion? Try this. But I would recommend Hey Jane to anyone! I want everyone to know this is a tool that exists for them. I’m so grateful to have found Hey Jane.

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"I didn’t expect it to happen to me in my life. And now I know, it can happen to anyone. And it’s so important we talk about it, because no one is alone." -Sam, Hey Jane patient