How to talk to your partner about birth control

It can be uncomfortable to have open and honest conversations about sex and contraception. So when you’re tasked with having that talk with your partner(s), it may not come naturally—but it’s an important topic to bring up in order to protect your health, your relationship, and your future. Whether you’re navigating a new relationship or deepening your connection with a long-term partner, open communication about birth control helps get everyone on the same page. Keep reading to explore why these conversations matter and how to keep them productive and respectful.

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If you’re looking for birth control, Hey Jane offers consultations for over 100 options including the pill, the patch, the ring, the shot, and non-hormonal methods. Our compassionate team of clinicians is here to provide guidance and judgment-free support to help you find the best option for your needs. Start intake here.

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Why should you talk to your partner(s) about birth control?

Discussing birth control with your partner(s) creates trust, openness, and shared responsibility in a relationship. Not to mention, getting on the same page about contraception protects everyone involved from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy. 

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By starting the conversation, you can make informed choices together, reduce misunderstandings, and support each other's goals—whether it’s preventing pregnancy, managing menstrual symptoms during your period, or maintaining sexual health. 

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The dos and don’ts of talking to your partner about birth control

Just like your relationships require effort and practice, developing skills for guiding intimate conversations will help make sure everyone feels respected and heard.

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1. Do start the conversation outside of the bedroom 

When it comes to discussing birth control, timing matters. Starting a sensitive conversation in the heat of the moment can create unnecessary pressure and lead to misunderstandings. Instead, find a calm and neutral setting, like over coffee or during a casual walk, to start the conversation. Everyone involved is more likely to feel heard in a low-pressure setting where there’s no fear or ruining the mood.

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2. Don’t shame others for their lack of knowledge 

Not everyone has access to good sex education—many of us have gaps in our knowledge of sexual health or were taught false information about pregnancy and birth control. Instead of judging your partner(s) for what they don’t know, approach the conversation with patience. By framing it as an opportunity to learn together, you create a safe space to address any misinformation and challenge outdated ideas, like the belief that contraception is only the responsibility of the person(s) who can get pregnant.

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3. Do prepare for the unexpected 

Talking about birth control isn’t just about preventing pregnancy—it’s also about preparing for all potential outcomes. Discuss with your partner what you would do in the event of an unplanned pregnancy, including how you’d approach options like parenting, abortion, or adoption. Being proactive builds trust and ensures that in the event of the unexpected, you’re on the same page.

4. Don’t assume that responsibility falls on one person 

Birth control isn’t just one person’s job. Whether it’s taking a pill, wearing a condom, or tracking cycles, birth control can present a heavy burden (financially, physically, and emotionally). By viewing contraception as a shared effort, you can support each other in managing your sexual health and maintaining fairness in your partnership.

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5. Do involve a health care provider 

Navigating the many birth control options available can be overwhelming, but a health care provider can help you make an informed choice that works for your body and lifestyle. Consider scheduling an appointment to learn about options together, especially if your partner has questions or concerns. This shows that you’re committed to involving each other in decision-making.

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6. Don’t make assumptions about condom use and STI testing 

Using condoms and getting tested for STIs are essential steps in protecting all parties’ health and shouldn’t be a source of distrust. If your partner suggests these precautions, it doesn’t mean they’re cheating on you or think you’re cheating on them—it shows they’re prioritizing safety for both of you. Treat these discussions as opportunities to care for yourselves, together.

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7. Do invite pleasure into the conversation

If you don’t know where to start, start with pleasure. By sharing that you can better relax and enjoy sex knowing you're both protected against unplanned pregnancy and STIs, you approach the topic from a place of positivity and mutual benefit, shifting the focus from potential risks to enhancing your connection and mutual pleasure. 

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8. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do 

Your body, your choice—always. If your partner suggests a method of birth control that doesn’t feel right for you, it’s okay to say no. Contraception is a deeply personal decision, and it’s important to advocate for yourself. Respectful conversations allow each partner to honor their boundaries without feeling pressured. If a decision can’t be reached together, it may be a sign to take a step back and re-evaluate.

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Talking to your partner(s) about birth control can feel overwhelming—especially if you don’t have practice initiating conversations about sex and relationships—but open communication is a cornerstone of healthy and respectful partnerships. By approaching the conversation with patience, an open mind, and a shared sense of responsibility, you can navigate the conversation smoothly while ensuring all needs are met.

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Remember, difficult discussions are an opportunity to ground your partnership in trust and mutual care. To discuss what birth control options may be right for you, schedule an online consultation with a Hey Jane provider today.